Listening… to a Girl

Yesterday, I met with a father, mother and seven year old girl. The girl was having behavioral issues at home and at school. At school, she would get very mad and stay mad for the rest of the day. She didn’t seem to get along well with other kids either. At home, she also would get in a bad mood and stay in that bad mood for hours. Her mother said, “She wants what she wants and when she can’t get it, she has a fit.”
As the mother was describing her behavior at school, she started to cry. So, I tried to learn what was upsetting to her. Soon, she was telling me that recess “which was supposed to be the funnest part of the day, was one of the worst parts of her day” because she hated the game that all the other girls played and there was no room for the game she loved. I learned that she spent recess standing around, “doing nothing” and following recess, she had her “boringest class” of the day.”
When the parents, for the first time, learned what recess what like for their young one, right in my office, they put their heads together and began to figure out what they could do about the situation.
It was wonderful to see what real listening could bring. It brought empathy where there had been annoyance and worry and a call to action, where there had been none.