I find myself "kvelling" with pleasure and agreement while I read this book. Dr. Brown describes the multiple benefits that children derive from play-from a deep sense of connectedness to their parents( if their parents are playing/engaging with them), to improved brain develpment and the ability to creatively problem-solve as adults.
He say that play needs to be pleasurable for the player, not driven by others' ideas of fun or learning.
We adults also benefit greatly from play. It helps us to de-stress and enjoy our lives, helps keep our brains alive and learning, and envigorates our souls.
I encourage you to read this book and to play!!!!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The Magic of Listening to our Children
The Magic of Listening to our Children
All of us parents want our children to lead successful lives. Most of us believe that getting a good education is the way to go. I agree that a good education is an important, if not essential ingredient to being successful. However, sometimes the pressure parents put on their children to do well in school overrides the importance of good emotional connection and understanding of our children’s personal experience.
Recently, I met with a mother and son. The son was very intelligent, yet was doing poorly in school. He was not happy with his school as he found it too strict and punitive. He said that it had changed a lot from his first years there. His mother was upset because he wasn’t doing well academically. However, when he raised the issue of his unhappiness at the school, she just told him to do his work. She did not listen to him or work with him to try to find other solutions to the problem. She wondered aloud why he did not talk with her.
In taking with the son, it became clear that he was no longer talking with her because she didn’t listen to his experience. He did not want to hear, “Do your homework.” again.
When I listened to him describe how frustrated he felt about his mom not listening to his daily school experiences, he smiled from ear to ear with a sense of relief. I had the sense that, were his emotional needs listened to and empathized with, even if he could not change schools, he would do well academically.
In fact, with my own daughter, I practiced this way of relating and it greatly helped her to succeed.
Many evenings she would say, “I can’t do this homework! I can’t write a poem!!!, etc.” I remember feeling tense and wanting her to just do her homework or write that poem. However, I had the wisdom to listen to her seethe for quite a long time and then, like magic, her tension would be gone and she would be writing a poem that was itself magical.
Our children and teens are given enormous amounts of homework. They are under a lot of pressure to do well and behave well at school and at home. Giving them a break, by listening to their upsets and empathizing with their hardships, helps. It can make the difference between success and failure.
All of us parents want our children to lead successful lives. Most of us believe that getting a good education is the way to go. I agree that a good education is an important, if not essential ingredient to being successful. However, sometimes the pressure parents put on their children to do well in school overrides the importance of good emotional connection and understanding of our children’s personal experience.
Recently, I met with a mother and son. The son was very intelligent, yet was doing poorly in school. He was not happy with his school as he found it too strict and punitive. He said that it had changed a lot from his first years there. His mother was upset because he wasn’t doing well academically. However, when he raised the issue of his unhappiness at the school, she just told him to do his work. She did not listen to him or work with him to try to find other solutions to the problem. She wondered aloud why he did not talk with her.
In taking with the son, it became clear that he was no longer talking with her because she didn’t listen to his experience. He did not want to hear, “Do your homework.” again.
When I listened to him describe how frustrated he felt about his mom not listening to his daily school experiences, he smiled from ear to ear with a sense of relief. I had the sense that, were his emotional needs listened to and empathized with, even if he could not change schools, he would do well academically.
In fact, with my own daughter, I practiced this way of relating and it greatly helped her to succeed.
Many evenings she would say, “I can’t do this homework! I can’t write a poem!!!, etc.” I remember feeling tense and wanting her to just do her homework or write that poem. However, I had the wisdom to listen to her seethe for quite a long time and then, like magic, her tension would be gone and she would be writing a poem that was itself magical.
Our children and teens are given enormous amounts of homework. They are under a lot of pressure to do well and behave well at school and at home. Giving them a break, by listening to their upsets and empathizing with their hardships, helps. It can make the difference between success and failure.
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